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Post by jasmine on Sept 9, 2005 19:21:22 GMT
A cowboy rode into town and stopped at a saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on strangers, which he was. When he finished his drink, he found his horse had been stolen. He went back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking and fired a shot into the ceiling.
"Which one of you sidewinders stole my horse?!?!?" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "Alright, I'm gonna have another beer, and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I finish, I'm gonna do what I dun in Texas! And I don't like to have to do what I dun in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The man, true to his word, had another beer, walked outside, and his horse has been returned to the post.
He saddled up and started to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and asked, "Say partner, before you go... what happened in Texas?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home."
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Post by jasmine on Sept 9, 2005 19:23:58 GMT
one liners.
please don't try and kiss me, I'll only laugh
I'm not your type, I have a pulse
When they made you they broke the mould but some of it grew back.
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Post by jasmine on Sept 9, 2005 19:53:48 GMT
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Post by jasmine on Sept 14, 2005 1:00:13 GMT
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Post by Seren y Gogledd on Sept 15, 2005 20:00:20 GMT
That keyboard one actually appears in some versions of DOS. "Error: keyboard erro or no keyboard attached. Press F1 to continue"
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Post by jasmine on Sept 15, 2005 20:47:32 GMT
I'm surprised none of the others come up on my screen, the way I co*k things up  ;D |
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Post by jasmine on Sept 19, 2005 19:55:56 GMT
Proverbs
Man who eat prunes get good run for money.
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
Man with one chopstick go hungry.
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.
A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead
Anger is a condition in which the tongue works faster than the mind.
Everything has beauty but not everyone sees it.
There are no short cuts to any place worth going.
Your heart understands what your head cannot yet conceive; trust your heart.
A peaco*k who sits on his tail is just another turkey.
It is never too late to be what you might have been.
If you are willing to admit faults, you have one less fault to admit.
You cannot get to the top by sitting on your bottom.
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Post by jasmine on Sept 19, 2005 22:39:08 GMT
Funny Bumper Sticker Quotes:
Caution: I drive like you do!
No, I don't have PMS. I just really hate you.
My mind works like lightning, one brilliant flash and it's gone
Stupidity is not a crime so you’re free to go
You’re too close, I can see your bald spot..
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Post by Mirela on Sept 20, 2005 16:30:52 GMT
None of these are mine, I got them out the first Red Nose Joke Book (remember them?)...
What's the difference between a duck?
One of it's legs is both the same!
Why is a crow?
Caws!
Waiter, waiter - this plate is wet!
That's your soup, sir!
Waiter, waiter - what's this beetle doing marching through my mince?
About 2mph, sir!
How do catch a rabbit?
Hide behind a bush and make a noise like a lettuce!
Corny I know, but they're still funny ;D
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Post by Seren y Gogledd on Sept 21, 2005 14:13:37 GMT
How do you start a pudding race?
Sago!
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Post by jasmine on Sept 22, 2005 12:50:34 GMT
What Do You Get When You Cross An Elephant With a cat?
Something that purrs as it squashes you.
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;D