Lovesick... :(

[Storm]

Sorry I ain't been on much recently, but I've been feeling miserable as hell. The reason? Well, what else would it be? It's a girl, isn't it?

In February, a girl called Jade joined the staff where I work, and I've gone crazy about her. She's one of the loveliest, sweetest, most intelligent girls I've ever met. And best of all, she was single and on the lookout for a new boyfriend when she joined.

We became close friends very quickly, and I decided I wanted to ask her out. However, while Jade was on a break, I was discussing - in private - with a friend whether I should go for it, and an interfering loudmouth from amongst my colleagues called Sharon overheard us and started laying into me. The thing is, Jade is nearly ten years younger than me, and Sharon decided that I shouldn't be allowed near her. According to her, Jade is "Just a baby!" and I'm "way too old for her!" Seeing Jade is almost 22, I'd say she's quite old enough to decide these sorts of things for herself. (Also, Sharon's ranting was pretty rich considering she herself is about eight years older than her husband. But then I keep forgetting that women aren't subject to the same rules as men, are they...? Still, I digress.)

Sharon was yelling at me to back off so loud that almost everyone else in the department could hear her. I should have yelled back at her to shut up and stop being such a pompous, lecturing hypocrite. But instead I was frightened and humiliated that everyone was staring at me, and so I decided to pretend it was all a joke. I didn't dare ask Jade out after that for a long while because I'd been made to feel so scared and ashamed. But I still desperately wanted to try. Jade and I were still friends, and the more we talked to each other over the next few weeks, the more smitten I became.

Just after Easter, Jade left to start a new job at an airline. Knowing that no one at work could interfere from there, on her final day I decided I'd ask her out after all. Sure enough, I invited her to come and see a movie with me. Then came the twist of the knife. Just a couple of days earlier, she'd decided to get back together with her ex-boyfriend! She explained that otherwise, she would have said yes.

I've been kicking myself so much in the couple of weeks since then that I can feel huge bruises on the back of my leg. All that time I might have asked Jade out, but I'd let myself get shouted down, when, if I'd just stuck to my guns, she would've given me a chance! But it took me so long to find my nerve again, and when I finally did, I found she's with someone else. I'm feeling just miserable.

I don't think Jade realises just how deeply I feel about her. Trouble is, I really don't know whether to tell her. She might change her mind... or she might become scared. I don't think I could live with myself if that happened.

Oh, what do I do...?

[Mirela]

Hmm, well the fact that she said she would've gone out with you if she hadn't got back with her ex suggests to me that she likes you enough in the first place. I reckon you should seize the day and tell her how you feel, at least when she answers you'll be able to rest easy and not go through the torture of "what if". And you're not too old for her, I mean I'm after David Tennant (yeah, bit of a challenge there, I'll admit) and he's 9 years older than me...that's about the same age gap as you and Jade, so don't worry about anyone telling you you're too old for her, 'cause you're not

Hope that's ok, I know I'm not an agony aunt

[Storm]

The "What if" torture will still be there though, because I keep thinking "If only I'd asked her sooner!" Say, just three days sooner! And I'm really scared that if I do tell her and it upsets her, I'll lose her as a friend as well.

Thanks though. I think I will tell her, and then hope she doesn't panic or lash out.

[Mirela]

Hope everything goes well, good luck

[Storm]

Thanks, fingers crossed...

[Storm]

Well, Jade and I had a heart-to-heart last night, and I basically told her the lot. Happily, she wasn't freaked-out, in fact she was very touched that she means so much to me. She's happy to remain friends, which is a big relief, but, facts are facts, she's in a relationship with someone else and that ain't gonna change any time soon.

I'm still feeling down about the chance I let slip through my fingers, but at least it hasn't harmed our friendship, which was what I was terrified might happen. At least I feel a lot less tense that we were able to talk it through without any bad feeling or hostility. My respect for her is only doubled. She really is a wonderful girl.

[Mirela]

She sounds like a great person, I'm glad that everything went ok

[Storm]

admin said:

She sounds like a great person

Oh that she is. Thanks for the advice though, it was what swung my decision, and it was right. Maybe you're better at this agony aunt thing than you think?

[Mirela]

I have to admit, I've never really been one to give much advice before, I mean sometimes there's been someone asking for advice on something on other messageboards and I've sort of hung back because I thought any advice I gave wouldn't be as good as some other people's

[Storm]

Well there you go, obviously you shouldn't listen to your own advice and get other people to listen to it for you... er, or something.

Seriously, have a bit of faith in your instincts and views. Just because someone else may disagree with your advice, that doesn't mean it's wrong. I took your advice here and it worked, so keep it going! You won't always get it right, I guess, but then who does?